Black Ghost

Muttering under his breath, he shook his foot irritably , seeking to get as much water off it as possible. Not needed. We know he's in a puddle, so it's ...

He looked to be no older than nine and had a strange necklace around his neck. Where else would the necklace be? Change the sentence to "He looked to be ...

"Or maybe you could read something worthy of your age," she smirked, eyeing the book with displeasure at her sister's choice of literature. This last phrase isn't needed. Eventually, Mrs. ...

Interesting story, Shadowtwit. :D Technical-wise, it's very sound, so I'll just delve into the structure. The crowd pushed forward, and Mary Jane staggered, her crippled legs giving way; another shove

The looks of annoyed disbelief passed across the best friends' faces. The problem with this is that you're telling us they are annoyed, when you instead should be showing us. ...

Hey greenjay! I always enjoy reading your pieces, they're always so full of action. Good stuff. :P Now on to the critique: I am going to tell you about something ...

This was very short, but there is still room to improve plot-wise: She remembered how she had gone to sleep, how she had been awoken some time later by screams, ...

One point: "Why do you cause so much trouble?" she asked, slightly grinning in the dim light at Evie's resistance to Sam. Every other child had gone to sleep and ...

Very cool. Slightly ambiguous, but in a good way. There weren't any typos that I could spot, so congrats on the technical part. As for the plot, it was interesting, ...

Technically, there were a lot of grammar issues and capitalization problems, so I suggest you read over this again and make sure to fix them. As for the story itself, ...

A Shadow moved up the wall. Now, is it a shadow, or the Shadow. Meaning, is it a specific entity (one of a kind), or is a general shadow. If ...

This was good. I enjoyed it, and it seemed to flow really well. But I do have once concern about the plot. On some days when I was really depressed ...

Hey, kitty15. :D I'd like to say first that although you have a pretty cool concept for a murder mystery, this piece needs some work. There are punctation errors, and ...

‘Just a little prick, and it’ll all be over, Mr. Prawda’ ‘Yes, I’m sure of it. After Schiavo, there’s definite precedent. And really, isn’t it for the best?’ First of ...

Hi again, this was a good second chapter, :D although it was a bit confusing. :lol: I think you're greatest strength is dialogue, because it flows really well when I ...